Here I am siiting in front of my lil lappie pondering and wondering, threads of emotions flow through my inner yet I cant speak it out nor express it. I wish I can just cry and releashed it when I'm alone but I'm lonelier that lonely. Perhaps tears dried up two months ago and things cant be as bad as then. Again I lost her, my granny, expected yet it hurts and it hurts like mad. I wonders how life can be so easily beaten by death while this world have no regards toward humanity. What is life all about? After a battle and it ends just like this? but my granny she had put up a very good fight in her life. As old as 94 years old, most of you sure thought she must be senile and weak. Nope to me she is the best warrior in life. she went through hardship and unspeakable pain in those days that is now in the past. It left pretty much impact on her and I noticed it. Even on her dying bed, she graps money which we put in her pocket which always has been her habit. Proverty had sculptured a strong woman yet it left bitter memories in her. Her worries of not having enough rice, not having a penny in her pocket, surfaced when she was semi-unconscious. I was lucky and well taken care of in my life. no hardship yet sometimes I whined like a puppy. Ashamed. Now she is gone and I cant be back early for the wake. Stuck with upcoming test. Tell me how I should I handle this? While brooding over my lost, I'm lost. I'll be back on the forth day and able to make it for the funeral. Again dilemmia re-emerge. I attended a painful one 2 months ago and now the wave its hitting on me again. Can I don't show myself? Can't I be transparent for once?
