i'm being stupidly stupid...

that day he mentioned what he wants to me.. i was expecting it ever since then. but i never thought he will give his reply so soon. but later it seems he regreted and wish to have me back that night itself. i realised its impossible to carry on when one of us is not ready. all this started 10 months ago, when i finally agreed to his request. we started off very sweet and fun and feeling comfortable with each other's companion. i always have this problem of not trusting man as in the area of romance and even in life. he said he will make me believing in man through him. i tried and what i get in the end was another disappoinment. i never regreted for accepting him and i still love him very much, but thing just doesnt work out between us.

i got too busy in my own activities and eventually did not have enough time for him. we were on long distance relationship and basically our relationship was based on phone calls, sms, msn.. rarely we got a chance to meet up with each other.the last time we met up was already 5 months ago. along this few months he always told me that he wish to see me again soon.. 6weeks of sem break, he didn't take the effort to meet me, and even last week when i was in kl for my bro's convocation, he rejected to meet me eventhough i asked him to. i wondering is he just fooling around with me or whatever he said was just to applease a girl. actually when i asked him to help me to get a pressie for my fren was just an excuse to meet him when i'm in kl. he didn't get it for me anyhow. later i persuaded my parents to go shopping by telling them i need to get pressie.(they were reluctant to go to public places due to the spread of AH1N1). i tried all my best to meet him but all i get was disappoinment when he gave a very lame and ridiculous excuse which was no transport. i admit that since last month i got too busy with my upcoming exams, i didn't have much time to accompany him and kinda neglected him. this trip to kl i tried to meet him as to make up for my busy schedules. but its seems he doesn't appreciate what i'm doing for him. maybe i was being inconsiderate when i told him that we might have to hang around with my family since its a family outing for me. i know its uncomfortable for him but my bro's girlfriend was around too. moreover he already stayed at my house before when he visited me in Muar. if you would to say that he is shy, then isn't that he is too bold to stay at the house of a girl which he only dated for 2 months plus its at a stranger's place?? why he was brave enough to come to stay with me but he is not brave enough to meet me at shopping mall along with my family??

i can't resist asking him this question, who am i to you?? i know its a stupid question but i just can't help it. i need to know! i ask him to think carefully whether is he ready to have dis relationship with me, and finally he gave me his answer. i felt very funny when he wanted me back. i did asked him whether he already comfirm his decision, he told me firmly he is clear about it. we remained as close friends now and may be 1 day our status might regain back to couples. i will only accept him back when he is ready. but when is it i cant say. i dont know and i don't want to know it now.

i know i'm not perfect too in this relationship, i was wrong at times. i know that he doesn't like it when i tend to keep my problems to myself. i also know that its not easy to maintain a long distance relationship. i understand how he feels when he shares his problems. ijust wanna let him know that those feeling he felt is not a problem for us to carry on. there are alot things that i don't mind at all. i really don't mind at all..............